Life – Yours, mine and everyone elses — in retrosp

Posts, in italics since ages ago.

The first time I tried to take my life, it involved my mothers heart pills for her high blood pressure. Alot of bad things were happening to me at the time and to the people around me. I never did swallow a pill. Never got the chance, I was called away.

I reckon she was sent, to save me, but to crush me. I never got a chance to touch the pills because she wanted me to hang out with her. Who is she? My best mates ex-girlfriend and I fell for her, she never felt the same way back. Shes beautiful, awesome and full of life. Her eyes are a sweet shade of hazel and in the right light a touch of smooth green can be seen, I can never look down toward her necklace. She has one hell of a rockin’ body and a gorgeous voice, more wonderful than any angels could be. She cares for all others before herself and does’nt hide opinions. She can always make me feel ontop of the world without even trying and I feel so lucky just to know her. She made me smile that night, and I never went near those pills again.

She had broken up with my mate and a short while ago they got back together. As happy as I am for the two of them, there will always be that part of me that likes her more than a friend and will be jelous of my friend.

I am your bodyguard,
I am here to protect only you.
I will take a bullet I will take anything,
I will keep you safe and you know its true.

I am your hitman,
Theres no-one I would’nt kill,
If anyone trys or hurts you,
Tomorrow you will hear their will.

I am your shofur,
On the bus, taxi, or in my car,
Even I put a saddle on back,
Ill escort you here, near or far.

I am you bartender,
A drink for your thirst,
Even a meal for your hunger,
Your needs come first.

I am your bitch,
you saved my life,
I will do anything for you,
Through happiness and strife.

And I’m your friend,
Anita, I love you,
Im all of the above and everything else,
For you, I will be true.

Saturday 30th May, possibly the worst day this year.
It began in the morning, was going fine, got on the bus, got to work on time, and no trouble. 1 hour later we had police dogs sniffing at our stuff out the back and a drunk maori trying to attack us. It gets worse, trust me. I was lifting cartons of beer and confectionary, about the only thing that sells the most here at Supervalue. When, my heart started to ache, and started to hurt more a more. I fell down, along with the boxes of crap, and could’nt breathe. My body started to hurt from it all, and thus I was dragged into the staffroom and an ambulance was called. well, it had cleared up by the time the ambulance had arrived and they could not figure it out. Though my heart still hurts on the odd occasion up until now. I was hurled abuse by customers all day long and from my parents when I said I could’nt make it to see my extended family for dinner. My plans fell apart in the end. I became very stressed, finding myself hitting wooden posts in the store room. Then I snapped, at everyone around me. Everything went through my head that night, and so did 40+ cigarettes. I went and bussed to town, to walk it off but really to find someone stupid enough to pick a fight with me. Then it happened, the tears. how utterly pathetic. So i stood in the cold, nothing but tears and pain and a smoke. I dropped the smoke, saw a bus moving fast toward me. Being in a distressed state I began to walk out infront of it, get myself away from all of ths crap, but before I could a voice behind me in a low and croaky tone uttered “Got a spare cigarette mate ?”. So it went that a homeless man saved me from myself, we sat, and talked, I told him all of my problems, and he helped me. The most memorable statement from him went something like “You think you’ve got it hard, look at everyone else first, you’re an idiot if you will let that bring you down. We are here for a reason, there are many theories but only one reason, and we all have to figure that out. You make life what you want it to be. Look at me. I’ve got nothing; no money, no car, no house, no job, few friends, no partner to love me, in simple, I only got myself. but i’ll take what life throws at me cause i’m content with myself, and this world. Shit happens, you’ve just gotta take, shovel it on, and keep moving foward and never give up on yourself”

He was right about everything he had told me in the 30 minutes we talked, I offered him money, but he refused it and instead took 3 smokes. I’m still in awe how he was so content with everything, but i guess some people are stronger than others. i’m glad he stopped me from the bus, and helped me.

Well it all started on January 26 1992 A.D…
     Then we have now!!!

Lets escape the story of my life, sad to think that it would’nt even fit this miniscule box. But i’m not a pescimist, nor an optimist — i’m a thinker. Right now my life is heading the way I want it to, I have a job, at a supermarket. My boss is awesome, a guru to me in the toughest of times, work collegues? they’re cool. I’m single, and it’ll stay that way for a long time. Trust me, i’m not good with chicks. 0% pass rate so far. So that would make me, well, I don’t like the word… heres a hint, ever heard of the movie ’40 year old ******’? haha. I have a semi-caring family, most of whom smoke marijuana, but hey, they give me a place to stay, who am I to judge? I take life a little less seriously than I should. But there are definetly times where I snap from pressure. Not a good scene. I have awesome friends, ones who look out for me and though they speak about me behind my back, it’s only fair. I’m not a trustworthy person and i’ve let alot of people down because of that. But I’d take a bullet for anyone who deserves it. I believe the world is corrupt, much ado about nothing aye? One day I will join the army, become a police officer and go on to own a cafe. Thats where I want my life to go, maybe marriage and children then live it out in my hometown, Chirstchurch New Zealand. Thats all I want to explain for now.